if i fall into the drink, i will say your name before i sink

this week has been so rough for everyone. not just including the passing of alyssa beach, but everyone's relationship problems with people and the conflict going on in the middle east and just everything. i don't know alyssa and i never had the pleasure of meeting her, but i was talking to evelyn about it, and i just started crying. it's so tragic, not just for her, but for everyone she was connected with. i think it's worse for her family and friends than it is for her because they're the ones who have to deal with her absence. at least she can prepare for our welcome party when it is our time to be with her again.
i'm scared, like to an unbelievable amount, for taylor. he hasn't really been "there" since sunday when he went to the hospital. he hasn't been himself and i'm afraid i might lose him. the way he says "i love you", it's as if he's saying it for the last time. just everything that's happened to him was enough, but to add this to the mix... i'm afraid he'll do something drastic. i want to call him. i haven't talked to him since saturday evening, but i know he doesn't want to talk. he's not coming to school tomorrow or thursday because he's going to alyssa's viewing and funeral. i guess i will leave him a message. i want to help him but i don't know how. is there even anything suitable to say anymore?
there was an 8th grader who died over winter break because of a skiing accident. 8th grade. it's like no one can really be unconditionally happy. because something is always going to happen. something terrible to make you lose hope in humanity and the goodness of god, if you believe in one, and really just the goodness of the world. the worst things happen to the best of people. i guess this is all just a big test, to just give us the subtle strength to be someone better and to do something great to make the people who have passed proud. give them a reason to throw a smile down at our distant and hurtful world. because without suffering and pain, we would not be able to experience just how great the good times are.